Personal Essay Revision

In my personal essay, I already made many revisions. I was glad to hear that my peer reviewers saw a balance of showing and telling. Because my essay opens with two descriptive paragraphs of me as a ten-year old, my readers got a little confused when I transitioned into telling a little history from my voice today. I went back into the essay and tried to illustrate the transition in the third paragraph to me looking back on the experience today. I also reviewed the paper and thought a lot about the ending. Although it might have sounded cliche to some people, the significance was truly what I gained from the experience, and I frequently think about my time at that camp. Therefore, I added on the ending and brought in how what I learned impacted me in the future. I also went back and read my paper over and noted things that were of great importance to me. I elaborated on these things to try to emphasize to my reader the significance of small acts. I feel strongly about the lesson I learned from this experience, and I just want the reader to believe what I am writing. I want the paper to have an effect on the reader and for the reader to feel encouragement. I hope to ultimately achieve this goal in my essay and to motivate the reader to have more strength in their many endeavors.